The Fame of Being A Foreigner

Social Anxiety of Studying Abroad

There is always a voice, in the back of our minds, small but present, always with something to say. You cut someone off at the light, the voice: "they probably hate you." There is a person standing in front of something you need on a shelf, the voice "just come back later." You really need to do some homework in the library, and there is a perfect spot next to a group of people sitting at a table, the voice: "ehh...let's go home" and then you get nothing done.

On good days, most people ignore that persistent, small voice; However, when you are a student studying abroad in a unfamiliar land, that small voice can become overwhelming.

This past spring, I studied abroad at Yonsei University in Seoul, South Korea. It was unlike anything i have ever experienced in my life. In the best way! I already had a pretty good case of social anxiety, and then signing myself up for something that would greatly challenge that was not something i had considered before studying abroad.

South Korea is known to be one of the top homogenous countries in the world, with an approximate 4.3% of the population being foreigners. That's an incredibly small amount of people in a country that has a population of 51.74 million. Although this is the 'Digital Age', and technology advances are unlike anything of the past, bias' towards people of color and intolerance is still very prominent. In a homogenous country, the chances of things like that happening is increased drastically.

Everyone's experience is different, and i want to emphasize this specifically, EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCE IS DIFFERENT. While some people may have had a bad experience, others did not. This is the stage in preparing to study abroad where you have to take the leap of faith. Once you have done the research, watched YouTube vlogs, read online travel blogs, talked to others who have studied abroad and those who have traveled to the country your interested in, you need to make a pros and cons list. This list should dissect all the research you've done. Once you've completed that task and see that your pros outweigh your cons, that is when you jump. That is when you make the ultimate decision to not let the possibilities of 'What ifs' keep you from this amazing experience. If your cons outweigh your pros but you still really want to go, do it again with a different mindset because you missed a few pros. Lastly, if your cons outweigh your pros and you truly feel the weight of the cons, well...choose a different country.

My experience is one that had an unexpected ending. Upon my arrival to South Korea, i was taken aback at the reality of it all. I had really gotten on a plane to South Korea, and was standing in the airport. The Korean language and people were everywhere, and i know thats a given but it was surreal to physically be there. Everyday was like that. I would wake up, get ready ready for class, and when i would open my door to leave, the reality of where i was would hit me all over again. Most of the time is was an amazing feeling. It was an accomplishment because i had actually done it! I was studying abroad!

Other times, I would feel discouraged because i had to get through a day with people staring at me and not being able to understand what people were saying around me. I won't sugarcoat anything, and i would lying if i didn't say that the mental strain of being uncomfortable didn't take its toll, but those feelings were there 'other times', not 'Most of the Time'. There is a big difference, and had i let that small percentage of 'other times' win over everything else, i would have had a bad experience.

But I didn't, and neither should you.

When your making the decision to study abroad, social anxiety plays a big role. So here's a tip to help you: You are not studying abroad alone. You may be the only student studying abroad in the country of your choosing from your school, but you are not the only study abroad student in that country. There will be various students from across the globe that are studying abroad, just like you, students that are traveling alone, just like you, students navigating how to live in a different country, Just. Like. You. You are not alone, and the people you meet and relationships you build abroad will stay with you for the rest of your life. You may even go continue to be friends with these people after your return. I surely did!

I mentioned earlier that my study abroad experience had an unexpected ending. Whenever your researching the benefits of studying abroad or answering various forms of the same question "How does studying abroad complement your goals?", the answer will always include gaining global perspective, cultural awareness, career advancement, etcetera. While those are good points, my abroad experience changed how i live my life. I used to be so anxious about how the people around me viewed me, and as a result i would try to make myself smaller to hide. I hated feeling like that because it influenced so many of my daily decisions. Those feelings decided whether i would go to the commons area at my school to get dinner, or if i would go down a certain aisle in a grocery store.

Studying abroad in South Korea strengthened me. It helped me to build a shield made of self-certification, individuality, and courage. I no longer care about what others think of me or how i am perceived to them. I no longer dread walking into a public space because i feel defenseless. Now, if i do avoid places or situations like that, it is because i am short and i don't want to be crushed... I am confident and I can be myself no matter where i am. Becoming the person i am today is greatly influenced by the same decision i make everyday to ignore the part of me that would make herself smaller, by choosing to walk out of my apartment everyday in South Korea and face the day instead of closing the door. They say that fame changes a person. Who i am today is the result of the fame i received being a foreigner.

If you would like to know more about my experience abroad or have any questions don't hesitate to reach out below or follow my instagram @Tay.lor_tot .